06/14/2026
This is by far the most personal piece of art that I have ever shared. I almost didnāt post it⦠but my prayer is that the art and the words bless someone elseā¦ā¦.
Ask any mother who has ever lost a baby and she will tell you.
We remember.
In glaring, unflinching detail.
For me, it was a first trimester miscarriage. Early.
I remember the first sharp pains.
The panic. The fear. The prayers.
I remember the blood. So. Much. Blood everywhere.
I remember my legs shaking and Chris half carrying me to the car.
I remember the blue cloudy sky light cover the hospital had above the examination table.
I remember the ever so slight shake of the ultrasound technicianās head when he couldnāt find a heartbeat.
I remember days of pain. I remember the tests afterward. The weeks of blood work.
I remember being mad at God.
Sad. Confused. Hurt. Numb.
I remember not caring when my doctor warned me to be careful not to get pregnant soon afterwards.
That my body couldnāt take it and I would lose that baby too.
I remember praying. I remember daring God. Let me get pregnant. I didnāt care⦠take that one, too.
But He didnāt.
God took my broken body and my flimsy faith and sent another baby. Two weeks later.
My doctor said there was no way I was going to carry that baby to term. To prepare myself for another loss.
More testing. Weekly blood draws to see if he was still alive.
And he was. Our rainbow baby Tate Josiah⦠who God gave enough quirky personality to keep life interesting, to put it mildly.
We are blessed with two children under our roof, and one with a different address⦠in the arms of Jesus. How can I be homesick for a place Iāve never been and for a face Iāve never seen?
Because Motherās remember. All of it.
They say art is supposed to invoke emotion. This painting drew it up out of me like plunging into a long ago dug well. It may be temporarily forgotten, but the water is still there down deep.
If I have learned anything in the 14 years since, it is this: the grace of God is as deep as our grief. Jesus can handle our emotions and questions and doubts. Heās not offended⦠He offers healing, grace, peace⦠Hope.
Because Mothers remember.
And Jesus does, too.