06/14/2022
When I started Jane Dough Bake House, I had just moved back home to Midlothian with my beautiful, beloved boyfriend-turned-husband. I was working at a place that I enjoyed, but had its faults. I had always had a dream of bringing others joys through the art of baking, and so I made it happen! I taught myself everything I could and just went for it. I kept my full time job, and stayed up until the wee hours of the night to create sugary works of art. It was stressful, but I loved the work.
I have baked some truly fantastic things over the years, and I am so proud of myself. I look back at some of the things I've done and go, "Did I really do that? *I* made that??" And these past seven or so years have truly been a delight. Yes, there are still some things that make me cringe to this day - starting your own business, teaching yourself a specialized skill set, and interacting with the public will always come with those wake-up-sweating moments. But overall, it has been such a delight to have had these years together.
But what I would like to acknowledge today is that Jane Dough Bake House - as much as I have loved and adored creating her and making beautiful and tasty things with her - was always, at her core, a tool for me to escape the place that I was currently in. These past two years have taught me that the environment I was in professionally was so much more toxic than I was able to process in the moment. Jane Dough Bake House was my way to create autonomy for myself when I didn't have any. Jane Dough Bake House was my "backup plan" if I ever got the courage to say "enough is enough" and actually leave my full time job.
I look back now and I realize that what I was enduring was beyond the every day aches and pains of a less than ideal job. I was enduring literal abuse because my "boss" was my biological father, and my position at the company was just another extension of the fear and control he lorded over me. The abuse that I suffered as a child had spilled over into my adult life, and the conditioning that was interpreted as love hadn't been questioned or examined yet. I still, to this day, block out some of the traumatic instances that I endured at his hand, even in the workplace.
Jane Dough Bake House saved me. She saved me. I had a safe place to run to at the end of the day, something to help keep my mind busy so that I wasn't overloaded mentally by what I was surrounded with daily.
But. I believe that something bigger out there made sure the timing was right for my life. I never did leave, which always confused me. I'm glad that I didn't.
Things have changed. The bad guy was forcibly removed after his crimes were outed. I finally got to step into the role that I was always meant for, both in work and in life. My purpose in this world is to not only bring people joy, but also to create a space in which others feel safe, respected, and cared for. And while cake is a beautiful medium to bring light and happiness to life, my work here feels done.
My work elsewhere has just begun. And I feel excited and fulfilled in a way that I didn't know was possible before. I go to work every day and look forward to the day - the people, the environment, the feel. I know that I have turned a space that was previously toxic, secretive, full of pitting people against each other on purpose... into a space that is full of light, openness, respect and kindness. I have created a space in which everyone can breathe. I want to continue the work of being a safe haven for the strong, fantastic women around me. I want to continue the work of giving others the opportunity to succeed. I want to continue the work of making a workplace that is an actual, literal joy to go to. And to take great care of every single person along to the way.
So on my birthday, I am saying this:
Thank you for your service, Jane Dough Bake House. You have been a wonderful friend, and what I needed to survive a time of my life that is no longer my "now". You were a beacon of hope and joy, a lifeline of autonomy when I didn't have it elsewhere. I loved creating you and the journey it took me on. I appreciate you.
But now, I am saying goodbye.
If we meet again in the future, may it be purely out of love for the art, free of all shadows.
Thanks.
