05/20/2026
Honest post here. It’s time for my random reminder that you don’t really know what someone is dealing with, choose kindness, and social media NEVER shows the full picture.
The past two years my body has been screaming at me, begging me to care for it better. But if I’m honest, I’ve been stuck in a survival loop for a very long time.
One thing I’ve learned about CPTSD is that it isn’t something that just “goes away.” It’s something I will manage for the rest of my life. And I truly believe a part of God healing me is Him walking me through that journey and allowing me to share it with others along the way.
CPTSD is a unique beast because depression and anxiety are often symptoms, not the root cause. Your mind may move forward, but your body still remembers.
For over a year and a half now I’ve struggled with acne for the first time in my life. I’ve rapidly gained weight, especially around my midsection. I’ve ground my teeth to the point they hurt. I’ve had panic attacks. I’ve had night terrors almost nightly as flashbacks and triggers send my mind into overdrive while I sleep. I’ve picked up nervous stims just trying to soothe an anxious mind that rarely feels fully at rest. The skin on my middle fingers is calloused from rubbing it constantly. My nails are nonexistent.
And through all of it, God keeps gently confirming the same thing to me over and over again: the best thing I can do for my family in this season is to take care of me.
I’ve tried multiple times to force myself back into working outside the home, and every single door I tried desperately to hold open, the Holy Spirit quietly closed. Not out of punishment, but protection.
So lately, I’ve been trying to stop treating healing like a finish line and instead treat it like stewardship. I’ve started putting systems into place that support me during the low times or the random triggers. Because healing isn’t just about praying harder and hoping things disappear overnight.
Yes, it is the Lord who fills my cup. But He also gave me a mind, tools, wisdom, and free will to make better choices for the body and life He entrusted to me.
I don’t fully know why it’s gotten to this point now — why I can’t just keep barreling through it the way I always have before. But I do know that running from healing got me nowhere fast.
So here’s to the hard, messy work of letting go, slowing down, and trusting God in the process. Even when healing feels uncomfortable. Even when it feels unfair. Even when I wish I could just “move on.”
Maybe this season isn’t about becoming who I was before, but finally becoming healthy enough to be who God created me to be.
I thank God every day that He didn’t leave me where I was. Healing is messy sometimes. Healing can look like knowledge. Healing can look like boundaries. Healing can look like rest. Healing can look like peace even when you’re tired of carrying the burden.
I praise God for who He is, for what He has already done in my life, and for the things still to come. But even if He never does another thing for me, I have already received far more grace than I deserve.
If you’re struggling too, please remember this: no one is truly going through these things alone. Our stories were never meant to isolate us. Sometimes they’re the very thing God uses to strengthen someone else.