01/11/2026
Yes all of this. However you would never want another to truly know. It is the most painful and lonely journey one can experience, yet you will learn many lessons about people, yourself and life that only the death of a child can show. Big hugs and love to all who are going through it and very sorry for those who will know in time to come.😢💔All we have is today. Right now.
People have asked me what's it like to live life with a deceased child because they "just can't fathom"... Well let me do my best to explain it in a way that can be understood.
It's being dead but still being able to breathe, barely.
It's like having your entire world thrown into a blender and mixed up to a liquid. Having your heart and lungs ripped out of your body so violently and never put back. Leaving a hole in your chest that will never heal and seeps pain, tears, anger, hate and regret.
It's like living in a dream that you can never wake up from, except it's a freaking nightmare. A life long freaking nightmare.
It's like having a large glass jar filled with happiness and you drop it on the ground and all the happiness blows away in the wind to never return.
It's like having a million people around hugging and loving you but you still feel completely alone. Going from having people to talk with to having not one person message or call anymore because they don't know what to say to you ... at all, about anything...
It's standing in the kitchen cooking food for the ones still here and crying so hard you can't see yourself burning the food.
Some days its falling to the floor, screaming so hard that no sound comes out and you run out of breath but don't stop screaming until you are hyperventilating and dizzy.
It's a a million little demons battling one single tiny angel in your brain, testing to see if youre strong enough or not to survive this.
It's like always trying to convince yourself that people want you around even though you feel like youre just a placement for convenience in this world and in people's lives.
Honestly. It's like knowing that your going to die eventually and embracing it with open arms like a long lost friend.
It's like this picture below of you holding on with everything you have and feel it all melt away.
No it doesn't get better. It doesn't get easier. You just learn to live, to survive.
Written by Amber Davenport
Photo Credit belongs to Miles Johnston
Borrowed this post from a fellow bereaved mother.
