25/11/2025
The Scars That Made Me and Why I Stopped Hiding My Pain
I want to talk to you about our scars.
The pains and the vulnerabilities we try so hard to hide.
I’ve learned that they are not signs of weakness, they are the proof of the heroes we have had to be.
They are what make us who we are today.
Let me tell you my story.
Growing up, my cousins were my world. They were like my brothers and sisters.
We shared everything. My mother treated them like her own, giving what she had for their education, their upkeep, helping her brother care for them.
It was a bond I cherished.
This closeness meant my things were their things. Clothes, shoes, bags, it was all shared, and I never had an issue with it.
Until the day I did.
I had bought myself one pair of shoes, just one. I had to save up for it, and it meant everything to me.
It was my one guaranteed thing. I kept it safely stored in my inner box.
While I was away at university, living in the hostel, one of my female cousins came to our house.
Without asking me, she went into my room, opened my box, and took that one pair of shoes.
When I came back and found it gone, I was hurt. For the first time, I expressed my displeasure.
I asked why she would take it without my permission. I needed that shoe, too. It was the only one I had.
That question, that single expression of my hurt, became a fault line.
It created a friction that never healed. She and her brothers, all except one, totally turned their backs on me and my younger siblings.
It wasn't just them, other cousins from both sides of my father and mother’s family did the same.
The very people I had supported, the ones I believed were my inner circle, looked down on us and walked away.
In that moment, I realized I had to stand up for myself, (especially as the firstborn of my family), but the true test of their role in my life came later, during my darkest hours.
I faced crisis after crisis. I had issues with getting settled. My first engagement didn't work. My first marriage didn't work.
When I decided to give life and love another shot and got married, they were not there for me.
Through all of it, the heartbreak, the struggle, the rebuilding, these same people rejected me.
They did not show up when I needed them the most. Not even when my father died.
I was alone with my vulnerabilities.
Still in that solitude, I found a profound strength. I realized that hiding my pain was exhausting.
Pretending I wasn't hurt by their abandonment was a lie.
My scars were real. My loneliness was real. My struggle was real.
And that is my message to you today.
Do not be afraid to embrace your vulnerability.
Your vulnerabilities are a part of you.
You need to embrace them to show up in the world as an authentic, real, and balanced person.
They are not your shame, they are your story.
I hope I have spoken to someone today who needs to hear this: where you are right now is not necessarily where you are going to end up.
See yourself as a fighter.
See yourself as an icon.
See yourself as someone who is going to make it.
And as your brain thinks, the universe is going to cooperate with you to bring it to pass.
Your scars are proof that you have fought your battles and survived.
Wear them with pride.
Embrace your Vulnerabilities
-Ehi Esther
