22/06/2024
Over the years there have often been days when I have found a question swirling around in my head as I mill around baking amidst the chaos and even as all hell is breaking loose around me - “Why am I such a sucker for punishment?”
Things have gone wrong, bakes have failed, new bake tests have been repeated sometimes more than 15-20 times till they came out right. Once I wanted to head out at 2am and drive 30mins to our kitchen space and get another shot at a stubborn cinnamon roll. Then there were macarons that had tens of iterations.
I seemed to have powered through those days without much reflection, not understanding what kept me going, especially when it didn't seem worth it. ��
This week and this month have been different. With each sourdough trial, especially this one on a day when I had already piled on more on my plate than it could take, and as I dealt with the spillage, I found myself wondering why again. Why such a sucker?
It’s not the catharsis, as I used to think it was. Nothing is cathartic when you plough through days like that.
It’s the affirmation of instinct. The validation of gut. Moving through life knowing you can trust your response to it, knowing why you feel what you feel.
Understanding yourself. Figuring out why you were thinking of that one step, amidst twenty others, late into the night where you might have left the dough too long - did it go wrong there? Why didn’t I follow my internal response which was telling me to tend to it, even though the book said I was doing it by the book?
Fixing it by gut the next time around. Not by one of the scores of methods that are telling you to do a set of ten things. Not following a prescribed path.
Fixing it by gut.
That’s why I am such a sucker. That’s why I let my life spill. Often my body too. And while I get punished for it the next day, I don’t care.
I did it my way.
67% hydration.
100% T55 flour
Cold bulk ferment post s&f. Yep!
Finshed BF at room temp.
Room temp re**rd for 2.5hrs at 26C
95% hydration starter with 30% ww flour 70% regular bread flour
