30/08/2026
I've been a bit quiet on here lately. And I could probably just post a picture of some bread, make a joke about being terrible at social media, promise to be better and carry on as normal. But I don't really want to do that anymore.
The truth is, my mental health has been pretty awful recently. And I don't mean slightly overwhelmed, “I need a weekend off” way. But more waking up already exhausted by the prospect of having to get through another entire day. Where very ordinary and normal things have started to feel enormous and overwhelming. And where some things have become much darker than I'm willing to speak about. Where I've cried an awful lot, felt anxious when there's nothing to be anxious about, struggled to eat, struggled to concentrate, and mostly just desperately wanted everything inside my head to be quiet.
I've become very good at carrying on regardless.
I can bake bread. I can fulfil orders. I can talk to customers and be completely normal. I can be a mum, run a business, make plans and laugh at things, have parts of my life bring me joy.
And I can be doing all of those things while privately having a really, really difficult time.
I think that's partly why it's taken me so long to properly ask for help. I often say to myself, I'm still functioning, surely I can't be doing that badly?
Well, turns out thats utter nonsense, so I'm getting help.
I've started antidepressants. I'm looking for a therapist who can actually help me understand some of what's going on rather than simply getting better at pushing through it. And I'm beginning the process of being assessed for ADHD, after an exceptionally long time of wondering why things that seem completely ordinary to other people can require an absolutely ridiculous amount of effort from me.
But, right now, none of those things have magically fixed anything for me. Starting medication has actually been bloody difficult. I'm exhausted. My appetite has disappeared. My anxiety has been all over the place, I am very up and down and utterly exhausted.
It's important for me to say that i am not writing this from the other side.
There's not inspirational ending to this post where I tell you that everything happens for a reason, I've learnt to prioritise myself and now I wake up at 4am to meditate and drink a green goddess smoothie.
I'm writing this from right in the middle of it, the messy, rubbish, hard, exhausting, silenced, depressing, hushed, embarrassing bit.
I think we talk about mental health much more comfortably once somebody has recovered. There's a neat before and after. Someone can say, “I was struggling, I asked for help, and now I'm doing so much better.”
It's much harder to say that I'm struggling now. Right now, and I don't entirely know how to make it better yet.
But, I'm getting help, and I'm hoping that eventually things won't feel quite this difficult.
When you run a tiny business, there isn't really a team behind the scenes to take over when life gets difficult. Behind the scenes is just me.
The person making your bread is also the person answering the messages, ordering the flour, planning the menu, taking the photographs, doing the admin and remembering to post something here occasionally.
So when I'm running on empty, some things simply don't get done.
Recently, Instagram has been one of them.
Joe has been absolutely wonderful in supporting, sometimes making the bread and helping me prep when I just physically can't right now.
Despite the lack of posts and content, we are still here, we're still baking, still doing our best.
I'm just trying to extend some patience and kindness to myself for once.
So that's it for now, no "live, laugh, love" no "get back up" and i don't ever want to hear the word resilient mentioned. Just things are a bit crap right now, but - as Mrs Doubtfire says - " Help is on the way, dear!"
Love you all, thanks for reading. 💕
