21/09/2025
Mean this hand on heart - I went and still going through everyone of these
I’ll never be the person i was prior to this, my brain literally broke & switched off, stopped working.
It not only nearly killed me on several occasions, it killed parts of my family & immediate friends also & for me that was the worst part but I literally had know control over anything, I try to explain it, your frozen in your body and your brain fights with itself if your going to be able to function that day
Sometimes you win the fight & sometimes the other thing in your head does, you lose days, you lose work, you lie as the truth, your totally embarrassed by, you feel like your a weak man, you dont want those you love to have anymore worry and upset than you have already put on them, you feel a MASSIVE burden & there lives would be better without you in it
When you get to that point, you’d think it be terrifying, thing is it’s not, your not sad, scared, thinking of anyone, you definitely have know control & it’s one of the most euphoric feelings I’ve ever had, it was pure peace
That’s the scary part and why su***de in men I believe is so high & it can just changed for anyone in a flick of a switch without warning
From the posts you’ve all seen on line thats been wrote about me, some of it true but 95% bolloxs and several of the profiles that went for me proper were fake profiles
This just shows how much stigma, hate & lack of empathy there still is around all this
I laid myself bare for all to see as thought it was the only way to stop the trolling but it fell on death ears and the hate I got ( if you sit and think about it all I’d done was not make a fu***ng cake that I’d had payment for that was refunded at a later date )
That was it a fu***ng cake & now from what did effect me massively from the online stuff when I 1st became ill now literally goes over my head, like I do not care or give a f**k about Whats wrote, Whats said, what folk think of me - that made me now strong as f**k as when you literally don’t care about what folk think or say you become one very powerful person - not being effected by anything is not only the best feeling but such a power
Im lucky if that’s the word I’m still here and I honestly believe these trolls wanted me dead, only last month this was proven I was told to “ do something about it “ if that’s what I wanted
That weekend when I didn’t make 4 people there orders I didn’t see what was being written on line until the Monday
Why ? And I’ve been sat on this since then as I was reading “ he playing the mental health card “ that alone is why knowone talks as we are told to do for worry of not being belived, being judged, losing jobs and friends
Only Four weekends ago when I didnt make a cake & I have know memory was because I was found in a field by a dog walker and had decided what tree I was going to use hidden away so knowbody found me
My 1st memory was my parents running through the field, 4 police cars, a drown and being talked out of a field surrounded by barbed wire I had no idea how I’d got there
I’m done being quiet, I don’t know if I’ll end up there again, I have know control over it but I am learning what triggers me and have cut it all out
If you’re reading this and think it’s bolloxs, a sob story, Thats on you to deal with & one thing I will say is F**k you I know longer care
BUT someone reading this might relate, realise they are not alone and reach out
If this is you ? You WhatsApp me 07726485880
Ive got you and I promise so many others have also and those that haven’t or judge, gossip, set up fake accounts are in my opinion are poorly than us & they definitely don’t matter
Paul
