Larsson's Coffee House

25/05/2021

Larsson's Coffee House and Creperie

Will reopen on Tuesday June the 1st "and about time too!!" Or so I overheard someone say when I mentioned it near a passing stranger. I will in future check that no stranger is passing when mentioning stuff out loud. It does seem that the town is full of strangers. Some of my neighbours are especially strange. I would not say that out loud, some of the stranger strangers are likely to be some of my best customers from the times before.

So do not be a passing stranger! The door will be unlocked from the First of June on the Tuesday come in and be passingly strange with a freshly ground coffee and a potentially delicious crepe.

If you wish to take part in fascinating conversations about exciting world affairs, don't come alone! “If you can’t find a partner, use a wooden chair!”

Looking forward to Tuesday 1/6/21? Me too.

All the best
Martin
AKA the old bloke muttering in front of the coffee machine

04/05/2021

Dave says to tell you Goodbye and thanks for all the Chats!

It has been a while since I wrote anything to share with you. That is mostly because I really have not done anything very interesting for a rather long time. Before I move on. Hands up anyone who has done something so interesting that I or even your favourite Aunt would read.

I once wrote about a small town in Upper Franconia (Ober Franken) which installed some traffic lights for the first time. I wrote it in a letter because of the way the first day played out and finished with a tractor trailer carrying hay bales, knocking over one of the traffic lights poles. My Aunt had it typed and sent it to the Readers Digest. At the time the R.D. Paid out a £100 for published articles. They returned the letter saying that it had exceeded the 100-word limit. Who would think I ramble on too much? Exactly, nobody!

However, I do have something to tell you which may well make difference to your choice of coffee venue. Many guests have been greeted and entertained by a rotund old chap with a white beard who could often be found sitting in the verandah (original spelling though not in Sanskrit). Yes, I mean Big Dave. If you had any ancestors from this area then it was almost certain that Dave knew them and even who else they were related to. Possibly even who they were having illicit relations with. That being the most regularly egregious entertainment that has been happening in Cornwall since Great Aunt Demelza marked off her conquests by planting Stones in circles for each local chap she seduced. This is the lesser-known reason for the stone circles being where they are and why.

Something you might not have known was that Dave had been diagnosed with terminal cancer given only 18 months to live. That was more than 10 years previously. So, he did very well and he did enjoy telling that story.

Being a true Cornishman, he waited till St. Pirans day, March 5th this year to fulfil this prognosis. David Skentlebery died peacefully in bed at the Tor Point Care Home. Almost the most easterly town in Cornwall and still be Cornish. Then like some wicked practical joke, he waited till 'All Fools Day' April 1st to be buried in the Moors in a natural burial near Caradon Mast In a wicker casket and was carried by the Pall Bearers to the sound of his favourite music, New Orleans Jazz. A pity it was not a live band and the mourners were limited to just those who drank 'Long Blacks', no lattes or flat whites. Standards must be preserved! Needless to say, although Big Dave will be missed, he still insists on being talk about and given credit for any humorous sayings.

Words 484 – Whoodathought?

25/01/2021

Time is not something I discovered recently. Of course even that is time relative. No I was thinking that the virus without trying too hard did what no person, of public standing, could do in the same time. Trump was amongst us for four years and because his only job was to make money for Twitter. Cos let's face it, no other politico has made so much time to write down all of his thought, well perhaps not his entire thought but certainly lots of repetitive bits of it, for four years. He encouraged politicos from around the world to follow suit. And well that is the power of Twitter, Suddenly no Trumptytweets and Trump has gone. The virus though is still here and progressing without and single tweet. However it has learned one thing from Trumpton, create a family of Covids like the Trump family and, like the Trumplettes, it involves members from arounds the world from Kent to Capetown and on to Brazil. Trump was responsible for enhancing Conspiracy Theories about paedophiles in the Democratic party and swamp people that eat the children not to mention his dads old crowd, the K*K and so many more that will also fade back into the backwoods. (where else?) However The Corona Virus has also given birth, or more often, resurrected a lot of old conspiracies. involving envy of the stinking rich hoarding all the money and or spending all their money to entrap the worlds population into exposing their locations at any given time through a microchip injected with the vaccine to prevent catching Covid19. Now that is really sinister but it would save me a lot of time trying to explain to those nice breakdown recovery people where I am. In conclusion Trump has been gone three weeks and already his memory is fading and I had received comments of relief from my chums in the States and EU. So it is not just me who thought he was as useful as a pimple on the Bum of Society. I am still closed but I am thinking of you and, judging by all the likes Larsson's is getting, a lot of folks are suffering from 'good coffee' withdrawal symptoms. Keep the faith and remember if PM Johnson had longer legs he would still be out of his depth. ;-)
☕️

10/09/2020

That Great Journalist Bob Woodward just interviewed Donnie Trumpty for his new book, "Rage". 18 hours of intereviews. The Trumplet never learns! I learned something though. If the orangeman knew the fullest information about the Covid19 in early January, then so must PM BJ have known at much the same time. Such things as : it is an airborne contagion,: that it was 5 times more lethal to than the worst Flu virus. And that a detailed playbook was already written and published based on the experience of 'Ibola' and 'h1n1'. I cannot believe that Johners maj. was not briefed at least as well as the queen of the Cheeseburger, Trumpton. So who was incharge of the UK Govt for the two months between receiving the warnings and information (including 'Billy Bookcase' simple instructions) and taking action. Action which would seem to have been as well thought out as one of BoJo's 'Letters from Brussels' for the Telegraph about a latest Brussels nonsence ruling concerning curvature of Bananas. Can anyone shed some light on this, because this is the most widely read FB post in the entire history of Gilgamesh ever. Not everyone knows that.....This is what happens when one spends a day behind the sneeze guard, ideas can't escape on their own. Cheers Martin.

28/06/2020

Dear Fellow Coffee Drinkers,

I don't know if you have noticed but Larsson's Coffee House has been closed for a couple of months in order to assist the NHS and First Responders by not becoming Ill, catching fire or arranging any kind of emergency in order to draw attention to myself.
I have been clapping on Thursdays in the hope of seeing someone on the street. I know there were people there somewhere coz I heard them also clapping. Well you all know Looe and 'of all the Gin Joints in all the World, nobody walked into mine.'
This will all change though next Saturday; I have discussed this with the PM. I confess that I was a little distracted during our regular evening discussion by the block & tackle and series of transparent cables which made him look like he was doing press-ups. Mind you he still went red in the face and started waffling. Habits of a lifetime eh?
Anyway I told him that I'd had enough and sitting in alone in my coffee house and was going to open up at the weekend. But instead of there being a several people talking at one time. (I could seldom make heads nor tails of what they were saying most days) I am going to let my guests in one at a time for a private chat together with their own personalised coffee and bespoke takeaway crêpes. Shows you the true me in all my presidential glory. As the Donny was want to say when ask a really difficult question by the great god Hannity of Fox pops. (Sorry I am still trying to put the words in order, to make sense of the answer.) Anyway it was something to do with his life after re-election. A really mean snide sort of question just to rub it in. I wonder What Life has in store for him in his new Home. I hope they let him have visitors.
Which reminds me: - A couple of folk have heard the Larsson's Coffee House is up for sale and wondered if I was a victim of the Covid19. I am glad to say that I am still in rude health and decided to try a new adventure before I get too old. Hence the need for me to sell up and give some serious thought my creative talents. (Such as: - what are they and where have they been hiding these last 70 odd years.)
Needless to say, I look forward to seeing you through my regulation sneeze guard and conversing with you though our face masks. (It is alright I have already been told that my Zorro mask isn't up to the task.)
Cheers
Martin

02/06/2020

Murder in broad daylight by one policeman and 3 accomplices. recorded by one brave girl and showed onlookers asking the policemen to stop. The policeman's facial expression was blank as if he wasn't aware of being there. A gentleman died on that roadside but not in a gentle way. The horror of the act compounded by the policeman's expressionless face was Hitchcockian. George Floyd died lets hope that it was not for nothing.

People everywhere are signing these beautiful words for action ...

11/04/2020

https://www.facebook.com/walkofftheearth/videos/502487884036656/

11/04/2020

The Phantom of the Coffeehouse!
I now know what the Phantom of the bus-shelter felt like and why noone ever wrote a musical about him. Whereas the bloke locked up in the opera house got all kinds of recognition, However like him I too get access to endless cups of coffee and as many crepes as I can eat, whilst sitting out the Covid 19 panpipesademic. Also Like the Bus-shelter Phantom I haven't yet been informed when normal service will be reinstated. So far though I have kept my 'social distance' (three streets and a bulldozer) away from the Zombies. The streets of Looe are so jampacked (Never understood where that word came from. Is it a fruit based concept? or perhaps traffic related? Who knows and who really cares.) I suppose What I am trying to say whilst self isolating with the other phantoms, I hope you happy band of Brothers (and Sisters) will one day say that you were there on St Swithen's day when together we cried Havoc and St George as we rode into the local NHS estblishment with free 'coffees and crepes vouchers' to release them from their service on the front line of the fight against the armies of the Vicious Virulent Virus of Corona.
On side note I do so hope the good doctors of St. Thomas's had the video running as they gave the Bojo the final colonoscopy to check that his throat was clear and inserted some long-lasting breath freshener for when he resumes his presidential place behind the flag bedecked lecturn.

I fear I may have departed from my usual cutting edge diatribe which was to wish all of you disappointed coffee drinkers a safe wait in safe isolation whilst listening to the daily Radio 5 podcast of 10 minutes of exercise for the elders.

21/03/2020

Dear Coffee Lovers,

How are the mighty fallen. No sooner than I make a decision and tell you about it. Boris the Turk goes one heavier.(El Fatso Bastado) So now we are closed inside Larsson's. I can still do takeaway coffees, crepes from the kitchen window and put the street furniture out. All sounds good sofar but today there was a bloody freezing easterly wind blowing up the passage and nobody wanted to sit outside. The brass monkey accoutrements problem springs to mind.

Yours gratuitously
Martin

18/03/2020

Dear Coffee Lovers,

Larsson's Coffee House will be operating restricted opening hours for the next few weeks. I will only be open three mornings per week on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays between 10am till 1pm.
I do appreciate that this kind of coffee discipline sounds a bit on the fascist side of things. But I will have all that time on my hands to practice my goose-stepping tecnique so popular with insecure dictators.
I seem to have wandered of the point a bit. Apparently I am entitled to do that now that society catagorises me as elderly.
So the upshot is (-; I have not idea what an upshot is ;-) if you are in need of a decent coffee and you are not feeling contagious or even slightly under the weather, pop along.

Yours Elderly
Martin

PS 'Social Spacing Sticks' must be checked in at the counter.

29/11/2019

Join a event near you to support the campaign for a vote on the Brexit deal.