26/07/2025
To Whom It May Concern,
Marks & Spencer Customer Services
Subject: An Unexpected Pork-Related Betrayal
Dear M&S,
I write to you today not just as a loyal customer, but as a long-standing, Percy Pig-loving connoisseur. Over the years, Percy and I have shared many a moment — car journeys, sofa snacks, emergency handbag rations — all delightful. But nothing could have prepared me for the emotional rollercoaster that was Reversy Percy.
You see, when I saw the name, I thought, “Ah! At last — M&S have done it. They’ve given us the pig’s rear view. A charming little piggy bottom, complete with a curly tail.” I was giddy. I imagined a whimsical nod to the back end of our beloved Percy — cheeky, innocent, tasteful (in more ways than one). What I did not expect, however, was what can only be described as a 53-year-old Mrs Pig mid-hot flush, looking as if she'd just come back from aqua Zumba and walked straight into an existential crisis.
The face! Red as a gammon at Christmas, as if she'd just found out Percy’s run off with Penny Pig again. I half expected her to be waving a fan and muttering about HRT.
I feel I must ask: who approved this design? Have they recently been left alone with a box of rosé and unresolved feelings? I appreciate innovation, but this… this was like finding a sausage in your ice cream. Technically food, but emotionally confusing.
I propose a few options:
• You rename Reversy Percy to Perimenopausal Patricia.
• You give us what we were hoping for — a glorious Percy Pig rump, tail and all.
• You send me a voucher so I can stockpile regular Percys and recover from this sugary trauma.
I remain a devoted fan (albeit emotionally wounded) and hope you will treat this complaint with the seriousness it deserves — and perhaps a light chuckle.
Yours in disbelief and artificial fruit flavouring,
Jane@BakeThat