05/10/2020
BREAKING NEWS: Mother Under House Arrest
According to reports coming out of Southern Saskatchewan, a mother of two was arrested on May 8th, 2020. She was attempting to climb the jungle gym in a public park located in Swift Current, Saskatchewan. The playground she was found on remains officially closed to public use due to COVID-19 safety measures.
Further to violating the City of Swift Current's order, the woman was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass and a calculator. She was spotted earlier in the day using these implements while shopping at Home Hardware in downtown Swift Current.
A CIA Agent confirms the woman is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. Apparently back in 2010 she successfully homeschooled her first born son for 8 months before reinjecting him into the mainstream school system, successfully gaining a whole school grade in the process.
The woman is reportedly also a stepmother to two young children ages 10 and 12, who are also being homeschooled due to school closures related to COVID-19. The similarities between her tale and the current trend have made the agent suspicious as to a dejavu type mental break.
The unidentified woman was charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. An unnamed Asset Development Officer at the CIA tells us that these implements are generally harmless, but a rogue undercover retired RCMP officer insists that they are integral to operation BONKERS. We are told that anyone involved in this program is at high risk of doing something that has never been done before.
Al-Gebra recruits are asked to 'derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' The details of the BONKERS project remain unclear at this time.
The common denominator between 2010 and 2020 appears to be a revolution in the making?! We intend to leave no stone unturned and will follow the Asset Development Officer closely in the coming days. We expect to uncover key coping mechanisms for the months ahead.
Until then we wish all the Mothers in the community a Blessed Mother's Day.
Bonkers # bakery N bistro