The Kneady Baker

The Kneady Baker Welcome to The Kneady Baker, where the sourdough keeps its own schedule! Forget open hours.

This is the whimsical world of a retired chef who traded bustling kitchens for a flour-dusted home where the starter is the boss.

06/17/2026

Gen-X Is Yelling At Me Again.

The starters have spoken.

And by "spoken," I mean Gen-X is being downright boisterous this morning. Bubbles popping like fireworks. Sourdough attitude through the roof. Limestone and Traveller are just sitting there quietly, pretending they don't know him.

"Feed me," he says. "Shape me. Send me into the world to cause chaos."

So fine. We're doing a drop this weekend.

The Snitch is already drafting the "sold out" post in advance because she has zero faith in my ability to keep up with demand. Rude. But probably accurate.

Loaves. Bagels. Maybe a sweet surprise.

Show up. Or don't. But Gen-X will remember.

06/14/2026

The Snitch Has Gone Rogue (And We're Here For It).

So here's the latest development in our ongoing kitchen drama.

The Snitch has started accepting bribes.

I'm not joking.

Someone messaged her yesterday asking if they could "slide into her DMs with a coffee offering" in exchange for early access to the next drop. And she said yes. She didn't even check with me. Just typed "Make it a latte and you've got a deal" and hit send.

I found out when I saw the coffee on my counter with a sticky note that said "From: Your new favorite customer. PS: Save me three bagels."

The Snitch was already eating a muffin. Smiling.

So here's where we stand:

Option 1: Send a pre-order. Polite. Professional. Boring. Gets you bread.

Option 2: Bribe The Snitch. She's easily bought. Chocolate. Coffee. A nice note. Compliments about her photography skills. She's shallow and she knows it.

Option 3: Just wing it. Show up. Take your chances. Live dangerously. Stare into the abyss and hope there's a cinnamon roll staring back.

Honestly? All three work. Because a fresh batch of breads and delights is coming soon. Loaves. Bagels. Maybe something with chocolate. Possibly something with icing. Definitely something that will make your kitchen smell better than mine (and mine smells incredible right now).

The Snitch is already screening messages. She's already ranking bribes by value. She's already planning how to spend the spoils (probably more coffee).

I've lost control. I've accepted it.

Send your offers to her. And maybe save a pastry for me.

I'm the one doing the work, after all.

06/09/2026

You People Are Creepy. I Love It.

Let me paint you a picture.

Oven dings. I pull out a tray of golden, blistered bagels. Steam is still rising. I haven't even set the tray down yet. My phone? On the counter. Silent.

But The Snitch's phone?

Chaos.

Orders flooding in. Messages stacking up. Inventory numbers dropping like flies. By the time I yell "Hot Pan!" to absolutely no one, she's already confirmed six orders, apologized for the sold-out cinnamon buns, and sent a voice note to a regular.

I haven't even touched my phone.

This keeps happening.

We've checked for cameras in the kitchen. Nothing. We've checked for GPS trackers on my car. Clean. We've even questioned the dog. He's not talking.

And yet, somehow, most of you know exactly when The Kneady Baker is in the area. And every single one of you messages her.

Not me. Her.

Is it the smell? Do you have a bread radar? Did The Snitch install a secret alert system that pings your phones every time I tie my apron? I wouldn't put it past her.

At this point, I'm convinced you're all camped outside with binoculars and a walkie-talkie network. "Copy that, Unit 4. The baker is reaching for the flour. I repeat, reaching for the flour. Stand by for cinnamon buns. And alert The Snitch."

I should be unnerved. I should be concerned.

But honestly? I'm just impressed.

Keep doing your weird, wonderful, slightly invasive thing. Keep messaging her. Keep ignoring my silent, lonely phone. The oven is hot. The starters are bubbling. And somehow, you already know that too.

Next batch will be proofing soon. But you probably already knew that too, didn't you?

Creeps !!!

06/06/2026

You're All Talking to the Wrong Person.

Here's something I learned today.

The Kitchen Snitch gets all the messages.

Not me. Her.

Every "Hey, can I get two loaves?" Every "When's the next drop?" Every "Please tell me you're making those cinnamon rolls again."

They all go straight to her phone. While I'm standing at the mixer, elbow-deep in dough, covered in flour, looking like a very tired snowman—she's sitting on the couch, sipping tea, typing back like some sort of bread sommelier.

"Management will handle this," she says.

Management.

I asked her why people message her instead of me. She held up my phone. Dead battery. Then held up hers. Fully charged, sixteen unread messages, and a screenshot of my last post with the caption "He'll never see this."

So yeah. You're all accomplices now.

Every time you message The Snitch instead of The Baker, you're feeding the chaos. You're fueling her empire. You're making sure that when I finally check my phone, the only notification is from my bank saying "Funds transferred to unknown recipient (probably your wife)."

Do I sound bitter? Maybe a little.

But also? The orders keep coming. The bread keeps selling. And honestly? I don't have time to reply anyway. My hands are in dough and my heart is in the oven.

So keep messaging her. Keep enabling this madness. Just know that every time you do, she smiles, shows me the screen, and says—

"Look. They chose me again."

She's not wrong.

Its getting hot in here! 🔥 Jalapeño cheddar sourdough × 10$8 Comment "me × quantity " on this post and the Kitchen snitc...
05/24/2026

Its getting hot in here! 🔥

Jalapeño cheddar sourdough × 10
$8

Comment "me × quantity " on this post and the Kitchen snitch will reach out.

04/29/2026

I Owe You An Apology (And So Does The Snitch).

So here's the thing.

For the past couple months, I kept thinking, "Wow, I'm really on top of my social media game. These posts are witty, these photos are gorgeous, and the engagement is phenomenal."

Then I found out I haven't written a single update in ages.

Turns out, The Kitchen Snitch has been ghostwriting my entire online presence. While I was over here kneading dough and minding my own business, she was behind the scenes, typing away, posting photos I didn't even know existed, and apparently doing a better job than me.

So, uh. Sorry about that. Or thank you? I honestly don't know anymore.

The real kicker? The last bake off sold out before I even posted about it. People were showing up saying, "Saw the Snitch's story—give me three trays." I had no idea what was happening. I just kept baking while my wife ran a whole underground bread cartel from the couch.

So here's my official, slightly embarrassed, fully amused apology:

I'm letting her keep the keys.

And now I'm officially outsourcing requests to her as well. Want cinnamon buns? Tell the Snitch. Need more bagels? Haunt the Snitch's DMs. Craving that raisin bread with Madagascar vanilla? The Snitch knows where I sleep.

She's watching. She's posting. And apparently, she's the reason any of you know what's happening at all.

So go on. Let her have it. Tell her what you want baked next.

Just know she'll probably post about it before I even preheat the oven.

New York style bagels!Mix of 3 for $5 (x1 everything, x1 sesame, x1 plain)Comment on this post and the Kitchen snitch wi...
04/21/2026

New York style bagels!

Mix of 3 for $5 (x1 everything, x1 sesame, x1 plain)

Comment on this post and the Kitchen snitch will reach out.

Wow! Just wow!!!!!We have sold all cinnamon buns!I still have chocolate chips scones available but they are going fast! ...
04/21/2026

Wow! Just wow!!!!!

We have sold all cinnamon buns!

I still have chocolate chips scones available but they are going fast! And if your looking for feedback on the scones just ask Martha Hardy and Cindy Delaney 😉

Kitchen snitch here!Kneady baker is knee deep into a honey do list! So im taking over 🙂 Available Cinnamon bunSingle $23...
04/21/2026

Kitchen snitch here!

Kneady baker is knee deep into a honey do list! So im taking over 🙂

Available
Cinnamon bun
Single $2
3 for $5

Chocolate chip scones
Single $2
3 for $5

Comment on post your order and the Kitchen snitch will reach out. First come first serve!

I do have one loaf of cinnamon raisin sourdough and one loaf of plain sourdough up for grabs too! There were 24 loaves made but all purchased before we could get it up on the page. Sorry?

But word on the street is that The Kneady Baker is open to special requests and the first request has been made and it is sourdough bagels 🥯! Keep an eye out but you didn't hear it from me!

Psssst! Shhhhhhh, its me! The Kitchen snitch......dont tell the kneady baker i was here!Here's your heads up! These just...
03/23/2026

Psssst! Shhhhhhh, its me! The Kitchen snitch......dont tell the kneady baker i was here!

Here's your heads up! These just came out of the oven......

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56 Evelyn Street
Kingston, ON
K7M4R9

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