10/01/2026
⚠️ HINKELHATZ SOURDOUGH CONSUMPTION LIABILITY WAIVER ⚠️
READ THIS BEFORE CONSUMING THIS BREAD
By accepting, purchasing, touching, smelling, looking at, or otherwise voluntarily coming within reasonable proximity of this loaf of Hinkelhatz Pepper Sourdough, you acknowledge that you have been adequately warned of the potential consequences of your decisions.
This is not ordinary bread.
This bread contains Hinkelhatz peppers, which were apparently invented by someone who thought, “What if a tiny pepper could ruin someone’s entire afternoon?”
THE UNDERSIGNED ACKNOWLEDGES THAT:
☐ I understand that the exact level of heat contained within this loaf is currently unknown and scientifically questionable.
☐ I understand that the baker experienced lip burning merely from residual pepper oil on her hands, despite not intentionally eating the pepper.
☐ I understand that baking this bread may have transformed the peppers in ways that science, God, or the FDA may not be prepared to explain.
☐ I understand that my first bite may result in surprise, regret, sweating, hiccups, uncontrollable blinking, spontaneous profanity, or a sudden reevaluation of my life choices.
☐ I accept the possibility that my tongue may temporarily stop cooperating with the rest of my body.
☐ I acknowledge that numbness, tingling, burning, sweating, coughing, watering eyes, runny nose, facial contortions, involuntary dancing, or questioning why I did this are all considered normal consequences of poor decision-making.
☐ I understand that if my tongue falls off, the baker is not responsible for retrieving it.
☐ I understand that if I lose the ability to speak, I will be required to communicate through hand gestures, interpretive dance, or whatever primitive communication system remains available to me.
☐ I understand that consuming this bread may cause me to temporarily forget the names of my children, my spouse, my pets, and possibly myself.
☐ I understand that yelling “OH MY GOD!” does not constitute grounds for a refund.
☐ I understand that drinking water may provide approximately the same relief as throwing a garden hose into a dumpster fire.
☐ I understand that milk, dairy, or other scientifically reasonable interventions may be advisable.
☐ I acknowledge that eating an entire slice before determining the heat level was my decision.
☐ I understand that the phrase “It can’t be THAT hot” has historically preceded poor outcomes.
RELEASE OF LIABILITY
I hereby release the baker, the bakery, the sourdough starter, the Hinkelhatz pepper plants, the garden, the soil, the weather, the fermentation process, and all associated parties from liability for:
* Loss of tongue
* Loss of dignity
* Loss of appetite
* Temporary loss of motor function
* Permanent distrust of bread
* Excessive sweating
* Uncontrollable hiccups
* Spousal abandonment
* Regrettable text messages
* Unscheduled spiritual experiences
* Sudden religious conversion
* Accidental floor licking
* Inability to complete Bike Night activities
* Or any other consequence arising from the voluntary consumption of spicy bread
⚠️ FINAL WARNING
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
If you choose to consume this bread anyway, you do so freely, knowingly, voluntarily, and with what we can only assume is an alarming amount of confidence.
There will be no refunds for consequences.
⸻
Customer Name: ______________________________________
Signature: ___________________________________________
Date: ___________________
Emergency Contact: __________________________________
Preferred Method of Communication After Tongue Failure:
☐ Text
☐ Phone call
☐ Interpretive dance
☐ Send someone to explain what happened
☐ I will simply accept my fate
BAKER’S FINAL STATEMENT:
“I made the bread. You chose the bread. What happens next is between you and Hinkelhatz.”
🌶️🍞 CONSUME RESPONSIBLY. OR DON’T. I’M NOT YOUR MOM.
