05/03/2026
Let me tell you a story..
I was maybe 5-6 years old when I got to ride my cousins horse. Im sure I begged for any and all pony rides and to go again again like it was a roller coaster anytime I was somewhere the opportunity arose.
When I was 8 I finally convinced my parents to pay for horse riding lessons. We weren't "poor" but we weren't "rich" or upper class by any means. I became obsessed. I found the first love of my life.
The horse.
The instantaneous connections and the ease of learning turned into my biggest passion. I always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be in the summer equestrian Olympics. I knew I was capable. I proved that to myself over and over in competitions, 4-H club, training horses, giving riding lessons to kids. I was even GIVEN a horse to re-train. The owner transfered her horse to my barn so I could be his person. A Dutch Warmblood thoroughbred named Keegen. Aka "Keegan's Diamond". He taught me dressage.
Due to unforseen circumstances, I became severely depressed. What once brought me joy no longer made sense.
I stopped riding. I burned bridges. I pi**ed a lot of people off. I had a lot of responsibility for a teenager at this time. I decided I no longer wanted to exist. So, I just pretended to. I dropped out of school and got my GED. But, in order to TRULY pretend I couldn't be around horses. Horses dont except that s**t and riding would be much more difficult. - connections blocked. I was one HUGE BLOCK. I needed to protect myself. My heart. My sanity. So I turned it all off. I was 16. I gave NO FU*KS.
A few years after my daughter was born in my 20's and I was going to school for Vet tech I started riding and taking lessons again. I could no longer "work off" my lessons, time was non existent and I just wasnt able to afford it.
Over the years in my 30's, I reconnected with a friend who I used to ride with and work the farm and show with. When I had the time, we rode together again. I helped her exercise horses she was responsible for taking care of. I plan to continue that - time depending as always. 😑
For the first time since I was 9 I currently have that same joyous feeling again. I want to live. I can actually have excitement about my life. I can finally SEE a future that doesn't consist of me ending up living in the woods with my cats and other creatures all by myself.
The timeline I thought didnt exist for me anymore is the exact timeline of my DREAMS. The life I felt I lost. The life I felt I was cheated out of because someone else made a BIG decision that changed my life forever and I never saw it coming. My life, my feelings, my well being was completely ignored as if I didnt matter.
I turn 40 this year. Im working with horses again. Im making money working with horses. I see doors of so many opportunities opening in front of me. I ended a cycle and feel I am FINALLY getting what I DESERVE.
Im not waiting for a shoe to drop. It doesnt feel too good to be true. It feels ALIGNED. It feels like I finally got to put what comes NATURALLY to me into ACTION. Its feels like ive been invited back into a home I never thought I step foot into again.
I completed and closed a GIANT karmic cycle.
The karmic parts are over. I didnt give up. I lost SO much. I lost people. I lost pieces of my soul. My heart was broken over and over and over again. I was broken over and over again. I wanted to die. I lost friends. Lost respect. There were times when I didnt see any reason or purpose to keep living.
I kept going. I never tapped out. I kept going.
Dharma is real
So keep going.
