The Unspeakable Treatery

The Unspeakable Treatery Welcome to The Unspeakable Treatery, where dark whimsy meets irresistible sweets. Serving delicious treats with a Lovecraftian twist.

Perfect for parties, rituals, or a sweet escape from the ordinary.

 🔮 A Communiqué to Our Most Devoted Disciples of Dessert 🔮Beloved members of The Unspeakable Treatery’s confectionary ...
12/09/2025

 🔮 A Communiqué to Our Most Devoted Disciples of Dessert 🔮

Beloved members of The Unspeakable Treatery’s confectionary cult,
We come bearing tidings from beyond the kitchen door. As you know, our sacred mission has always been to summon pastries unfit for mortal comprehension. Yet Rhode Island’s ancient cottage laws—inscribed by bureaucrats of a bygone age—forbid certain creations from being born within an un-anointed home kitchen.

Thus, in accordance with these earthly decrees, our current ritual of baking must be transformed. We must ascend to a space approved by the Department of Health… a realm known only in whispers as The Commercial Kitchen.

But do not fall into despair, faithful ones!
For we are already in pursuit:
🜂 seeking proper licensure
🜁 securing ritual space
🜄 and preparing for our grand return

Even now, in the hidden hours, we continue our experiments—mixing, summoning, and perfecting eldritch recipes whose flavors bend the mind and challenge the very limits of pastry.

We ask only your patience and continued devotion as we traverse this labyrinth of mortal paperwork. When the time is right, we shall rise again—authorized, permitted, and more deliciously unspeakable than ever.

Until then, keep watch.
Keep faith.
And hunger. 🖤🕯️🍪

🕯️ If you feel compelled to reach out—whether to ask questions, seek updates, or whisper requests from the void—you may still contact us by message at any time. The line between realms remains open, and we are always listening…

(And responding. With startling human friendliness.) 🖤

09/03/2025
Unfortunately we have closed the farmers market. We are all outraged by the ongoings in our town. Please contact one of ...
07/02/2025

Unfortunately we have closed the farmers market. We are all outraged by the ongoings in our town. Please contact one of our “town representatives” and voice your opinions!Please stay tuned as I find other avenues to get our bagels out there. ❤️

🚨 🚨IMPORTANT UPDATE:

Unfortunately, even though we had an amazing month booked for July and so many future endeavors planned, the farmers market has come to an end in its short stint. You’re finding out as soon as we are.

You see, Stacie and I (Britney) are known in this town for being “whistleblowers,” if you will. We hold people accountable for their actions and advocate for what’s right—always.

So, in full transparency, we want to share why this decision was made. Back in March, when we started getting the market off the ground, Parks & Rec and the town itself fought us hard. They did not want any part of aiding us in starting a farmers market. Fast forward to now—Parks & Rec went out of their way to involve the RI Department of Health in an attempt to shut us down.

After speaking directly with the Department of Health, we were informed this market has nothing to do with them. It is on private property not owned by the state. Each vendor is responsible for their own products and insurance. We did not require state approval, DEM approval, or town approval to operate. The Department of Health was very honest about who reached out to them—and why. But after this, is it worth it?

Stacie and I have invested our own money, poured in countless hours, networked, fundraised and missed family events all to get this rolling. We never asked or expected anything from the town. We didn’t charge vendors to be there, and many weeks we made nothing because of the rain. But we persisted because we knew this could be something special.

Eighty percent of the vendors were Coventry small businesses, and this was a significant source of income for their families. So—way to go, economic development, shutting down small businesses.

While we are in 100% full compliance, we’re not going to keep showing up to try to do something nice for the community only to wait for someone to try to catch us doing something trivial (like leaving a freezer door open for longer than 30 seconds). The constant barriers and scrutiny make it clear that continuing is simply not sustainable given everything we are sacrificing to do this. It’s exhausting and defeating to keep begging to bring joy to this town.

We had families with very little money who came every week to spend a fun afternoon with their kids at no cost—doing crafts, seeing the animals at the petting zoo, and collecting the free give aways. Children used the free book area so they’d have something to read over the summer. All of it—gone.

So, Coventry Parks & Recreation RI —here’s to you. 🍻 You now have no competition for your 2026 market. (Awfully convenient this all happened right after I questioned Summer Fest funding.)

Thank you to all our vendors, customers, supporters, and friends who showed up every week to help build something meaningful. Your encouragement means the world to us.

If you’re as angry and hurt as we are, reach out to your council member, the town manager, or Scott from Parks & Rec. Let them know how you feel.

Town Manager – Dan Parrillo – 401-822-8185 – [email protected]

District 1 Representitive – Jonathan Pascua – 401-598-7562 - [email protected]

District 2 Representitive – Alisa Capaldi – 401-214-0862 – [email protected]

District 4 Representitive – Hilary Lima, President – 401-585-4286 – [email protected]

Town Wide 1 Representitive – Frank Brown – No Number Listed – [email protected]

Town Wide 2 Representitive – JP Verducci, Vice President – 401-286-8419 – [email protected]

Director of Parks & Rec – Scott Sevegny – 401-822-9137 - [email protected]

If you enjoyed the products you purchased while here, you'll be happy to know that most of the businesses are local and can legally sell their products directly from their farms or homes. We’ll continue to monitor this page and answer any questions for the next week before we close it down. If you’d like to get in touch with any of the vendors, feel free to reach out—we’re happy to connect you.

To Ted & Candy at TLC Mini Storage & Landscaping Services: Thank you. You were incredible hosts to us, and we’re so grateful for you.

We hope to see you all again in the future—because this isn’t goodbye. 💚

—Britney & Stacie

At TLC in Nooseneck Hill Rd. til 6pm today!
06/28/2025

At TLC in Nooseneck Hill Rd. til 6pm today!

Who’s ready for a taco Tuesday?!
06/23/2025

Who’s ready for a taco Tuesday?!

I’m not much of a cookie baker, but when you are asked to partake in a friendly competition where kids are the judges…. ...
06/18/2025

I’m not much of a cookie baker, but when you are asked to partake in a friendly competition where kids are the judges…. You say yes! Classic chocolate chip with added peanut butter chips. Mmmm!

Graduation season is upon us!Don’t let your party flop with ordinary treats.Order custom goodies for your party and let ...
05/20/2025

Graduation season is upon us!
Don’t let your party flop with ordinary treats.
Order custom goodies for your party and let The Unspeakable Treatery help ease the stress of hosting!

Cakes starting at $50
Cupcakes (by the dozen) at $20
Chocolate dipped goodies (varies)

Reserve your spot before they fill up

Message us!

Come see us at our very first local farmers market! If you’d like to preorder your bagels to guarantee they will be ther...
05/12/2025

Come see us at our very first local farmers market! If you’d like to preorder your bagels to guarantee they will be there, send us a message.

Jumbo Coffee cake muffins have entered the chat.
05/05/2025

Jumbo Coffee cake muffins have entered the chat.

Who needs some bagels? Taking orders for this weekend! Flavors: Onion, Everything and Herbes de Provence: Dried lavender...
04/08/2025

Who needs some bagels? Taking orders for this weekend! Flavors: Onion, Everything and Herbes de Provence: Dried lavender, rosemary, and thyme in the dough, with cracked pepper on top.

Message to order!
4 for $7
8 for $13

Address

Flat River Road. Greene
Greene, RI

Opening Hours

Monday 9am - 3pm
Tuesday 9am - 3pm
Wednesday 9am - 3pm
Sunday 7am - 4pm

Telephone

+14014506183

Website

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