03/09/2026
Two years ago today, September 4th, 2024, I lost my Momma.
And I still donāt really know how to write those words.
I was here in England on holiday, visiting my husband and my son, when she died. I didnāt get to be there. I didnāt get to hold her hand. I didnāt get to tell her goodbye.
Her memorial didnāt happen until after I had moved here, and by then I couldnāt afford to fly back to the States. So I missed that too.
I think not getting to say goodbye has wreaked a little havoc on my brain ever since. Thereās a part of me that still hasnāt quite figured out what to do with the fact that sheās gone.
Because I want my Momma back.
She was something special.
I donāt remember her having a cross word for anybody unless you really, really pushed her past the point. She had the biggest heart of anyone Iāve ever known. And above everything else, she believed in family.
She believed you always had a home.
It didnāt matter how old you were. It didnāt matter how far away you had gone. It didnāt matter what had happened or what circumstances you found yourself in.
You could always come home.
There are a million little things I miss, and somehow, even after two years, I keep remembering new ones.
I remember her hands. Momma had the softest hands. I loved holding them. Of all the things a person thinks theyāre going to remember when somebody is gone, I donāt think I ever expected something as simple as the way her hands felt to become so precious to me.
I remember her love of old musicals. Singinā in the Rain. Easter Parade. She loved Evita. And her favorite movie was Somewhere in Time. When Dad took her to Mackinac Island and she got to visit the Grand Hotel, the excitement in her eyes was something you couldnāt match.
I remember watching her when I was growing up and having absolutely no appreciation for how much she did.
Momma went back to work when I was ten. She worked full time, came home, went upstairs, changed out of her work clothes, came right back downstairs and started dinner.
Like clockwork.
There was no sitting down for an hour first. No debate about what everybody wanted. Momma made dinner. You ate what she made or you didnāt eat it. š She loved you with her whole heart, but she was NOT a short-order cook.
And now I understand how tired she must have been.
Funny how growing older lets you see your parents as people in a way